How have you prepared your daughter for the setbacks and the highs?Can I tell you something? I think she’s more my mother these days than I am hers. When I look at her, I say, “Cookie, how did you become so mature? How are you so wise?” Then I look at myself and I say, “Great job, girl.”

I had many titles like Miss Arrogance and Miss High And Mighty, often due to complaints from directors or actors about my boundaries. I never kissed on screen and wasn’t comfortable wearing swimsuits or bikinis. I had personal rules; I would only accept roles that aligned with my comfort. I managed to do even rape scenes without tearing my clothes, insisting, “my clothes won’t tear.” I wanted to live by my rules, and people mistook that for arrogance. I believed that if I wasn’t comfortable, no one could force me. If they didn’t want to hire me, they could choose someone else.I remember Darr was one of the films you had to say no to…Unfortunately, sometimes I think, “Oh, God, why?” There are many regrets. Even for Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Karan still tells me, “You didn’t do my first film.” I had my reasons. I was trying to reestablish myself at that time. I couldn’t have played second lead to Kajol. I’m not ashamed of my decisions. I had temporarily left my career for personal reasons and had to re-enter the industry on my own terms. Every time the film’s title song plays, I tell Rasha, “Imagine, this song could have been mine.” She asks, “Mama, why didn’t you do it?” And
I reply, “I had my reasons.”I don’t think you were convinced about doing Shehar ki ladki…

Shehar ki ladki happened when I was trying to reestablish myself. The producer and Sunil Shetty were friends. They were struggling to complete their film. They asked me to help with a song. And I agreed to do it for free out of goodwill. The song received great reviews and marked my return. The producer later offered me a large cheque as thanks but I refused, valuing the goodwill more than money. To this day, I haven’t taken that money. I believe saying no with grace is significant.

There were 52 girls the year you won the Filmfare Debut Award. You want to recall that moment?My uncle accepted the award as I was shooting for Andaz Apna Apna in Ooty. Rauf Ahmed, the editor, urged me to attend but as a newcomer, I couldn’t take two days off. There were no direct flights, it would have taken too long to travel. I didn’t have the courage to ask the director, Rajkumar Santoshi, for permission. Surprisingly, we got a call at 12:30 AM from my uncle, who said I won the Filmfare Award. My mom and I regretted not going. But as a newcomer, taking time off would have caused financial loss to the unit. That sacrifice made my first award even more precious. Thank you, Filmfare and Rauf, who was a sweetheart.Did you lose films because a hero favoured another actor?Yes, that happened. I still find similarities when I read interviews of Priyanka or others. I was never insecure. I signed Patthar Ke Phool casually, just to meet Salman Khan because my friends wanted to meet him. I was in college and had already rejected several films. I wasn’t sure about acting as I had no training. When Patthar Ke Phool came, I bragged about the offer because Salman was a big star after Maine Pyar Kiya. My friends insisted I accept it so they could join me on the set, so I did. While filming Patthar Ke Phool, I signed five or six more movies and there was no turning back. I always give 100 percent and have never been insecure or jealous. If you ever hear I had someone removed from a movie, I’ll change my name to Champa Kali. I believe in honest dealings and have never played politics, though I was on the receiving end. Believing in myself was enough.

It was interesting while these catfights and all were going on, you also hung out a lot with other actresses. There was Manisha Koirala, Pooja Bhatt, there was you… All of us heroines are still well-connected. I’m friends with Pooja and Juhi (Chawla), and we constantly support one another on Instagram. I haven’t seen Manisha in a long time, but I’m happy for her. Shilpa (Shetty), MD (Madhuri Dixit), and I boost one another up on social media. I often meet Ayesha Jhulka at Otters’ Club, where we chat and hang out. Despite a few who remain insecure and haven’t kept bonds, there were never any catfights. The camaraderie from back then still prevails today.I buy that.There might be a discussion like, “Why are you doing this? What’s the need?” and an effort to bridge the gap. But it was never a catfight, just hype and exaggeration. Back then, without social media or cameras, it was hard to clarify things. Men had fistfights, so why call us “cats”? What would you call the men?Did the men have dogfights?Men had fistfights in those days, but we women didn’t. At most, we’d have discussions to resolve issues. Some people didn’t want to, so it was labelled a “catfight,” which was overhyped and exaggerated. We learned to accept it as something the public wanted for entertainment.Were there any films that you refused because you were principally against them?Yes, of course. That might be why the “Miss High And Mighty” label came about. I almost signed a movie with Shah Rukh until we discussed the costumes, which were uncomfortable and objectifying. I refused and Shah Rukh was surprised, asking, “Are you mad? Why are you saying no now?” We were already working on Jaadu and Zamaana Deewana, and we got along well. Shah Rukh is one of the wittiest, warmest, and most decent co-actors I’ve worked with. I told him, “Shah, I can’t wear that stuff. I’ll feel strange.” Throughout my career, my costumes have always been decent and regular.

I remember you’ve done this lovely, sensual song in Zamaana Deewana.Yes, with Shah. It was a saree and the same with Tip tip barsa pani. But the costumes in that other film were too objectifying and not classy. I refused roles because of such costumes, which made people think
I had a high opinion of myself.Also they called you a prude…Yes, yes. They thought I was prudish because I would not agree to do these things.

Which also extended to your private life. With the exception of one very high-profile romance, noone said she’s having an affair with someone.

If I fell in love, I was open about it. Unlike my college friends who changed boyfriends every two months. As an actress, I couldn’t date openly. People would speculate about marriage and kids before I’d even said, “I do.”You must have been 21-22, when you adopted two girls, which was amazing.Yes, it seemed like the right decision. I had been involved with my mom in NGO work focused on girl children, addressing issues like the female child ratio and female infanticide. My mom’s efforts inspired me to work for the empowerment of girls and women. When the opportunity arose, I stepped up without worrying about societal warnings or concerns. Despite some naysayers, society largely accepted my decisions. I took on legal guardianship since single moms couldn’t adopt at that time. So as legal guardians, it was me and my mom who signed up. Today, I’m a proud mom of four.So technically, are you a grandmother?Yes, technically I’m a glam-ma for them. They call me glam, glam-ma because I’m so glamorous.

The heroines keep getting younger opposite the heroes, while the older actresses are sidelined. Did you face ageism? Actresses like you, Madhuri, Juhi, Tabu, and Manisha Koirala are
all doing great work.

I’ve heard of older heroes working with much younger girls, half their age. But that seems to be changing now. Five or six years ago, it was different. Today even our heroes are more conscious. There’s a growing awareness among younger actors who prefer age-appropriate roles and films. Heroes are embracing their age, as are actresses. This realism in scripts is beneficial for everyone. Personally, I’ve worked with heroes who are actually younger
than me.

Is there also pressure to surgically enhance yourself? Was there any kind of pressure on you from your producers?

No pressure but looking good doesn’t hurt. Science has advanced and people are seeking ways to stay youthful, though not all are readily available. I’ve been genetically blessed with good skin, thanks to my dad. Treatments like lasers for acne and various skin uplifting machines are now options. Despite criticisms like being called “thunder thighs,” I’ve never opted for surgery. I embraced my body’s changes during pregnancies. Surgery is daunting; one shouldn’t tamper with their body unnecessarily. Modern science offers enhancements like hair colouring, but surgery is a serious decision I’ve completely avoided. I prefer methods like intermittent fasting to maintain health.

So, you were body-shamed a lot during your youth?

I was always a plump kid. That’s why I never thought I’d be in the movies. I was a fat kid with oily hair and two braids. So, no one thought I’d become an actress.

Did it affect your mental health when you were body shamed? Did it make you anxious?

It did. Because I always knew I was taller and broader than other heroines. Now I’m proud of my Punjabi genes. My 16-year-old son is 6’2” and broad like me. Be proud of your solid, heavy bones. I used to weigh a lot and my hero would joke about it. But I can’t change my genetics. I’m fine as I am. At 16 or 17, public scrutiny hurts. But with family and friends, you’ll get through it. In India, we rely on family and friends, not therapists. Reach out without shame.

You never felt the need to meet a therapist over the years? You never felt the need for counselling?

My therapist is Rasha Thadani these days. Like, I tell Rasha, what did I do now? Why am I always getting into trouble? And she says, “Mama, relax. It happens to everyone. It just shows that you’re a celebrity.” I was like, okay.
She mothers me more than I do these days.

Where did you meet Anil? How long was the wooing period?

Anil has now become the most unromantic person I can sit with. Please god.

But how long did you date before you married?

How long did we date? Two months.

That’s it?

Yeah, it was quick engagement and marriage, true Punjabi style. We just knew we were similar. Our upbringings, morals and family values aligned. I judge people by how they treat others. That’s what impressed me about him.

How has he been as a husband?

He’s been a hands-on father always. I’m admitting, I did not clean my son’s potty. It was too stinky. Also I had long nails. It would all just go in. So, Anil has done all the potty cleaning for Ranbir. Rasha, I did.

You weren’t working when the two kids were born.

No, I didn’t work then, despite film offers. In one, they wanted the lead to be pregnant but I was too overweight. I’d gained a lot, eating gulab jamuns. During Rasha’s time, I ate everything I’d deprived myself of. Anil would say, “You’re eating so much?” I’d reply, “Yes, I’m going to eat.” He’d joke, “Blame it on hormones.”

But the romance has gone out of the window after marriage?

That won’t happen; I was kidding earlier. Our kids are grown now. And they dominate our lives. Anil is the stable force for all three of us, even his mom. We can’t imagine life without him; we depend on him for everything. Emotionally, I rely on him. We balance it with our kids and family. No candlelit dinners; every anniversary and Valentine’s is a family dinner.

What’s the most romantic thing that he’s done?There are many romantic things, but one stands out. For my 50th birthday, I was shooting in the hills. Despite his severe car sickness, he travelled up to the hills to be with me, planning it without my knowledge.
He was sick for two days but he stayed with me. Knowing he’d get sick but
still coming was the most romantic thing he’s done.You won the Filmfare Best Actress again for Aranyak. What made you take it up?I received many OTT offers, which I planned to pursue. I’m also doing a lot of movies, having finished KGF 2 and now working on Welcome 3, with more big films to be announced soon. While OTT was a space I wanted to explore, I waited for the right project. Some shows which I refused were big hits, but I’d have just played myself in them. I wanted something different, which Aranyak provided with its unique accent, character, and portrayal, exciting me more than other options.Personally, whether it’s Daman or Ghulam-e-Mustafa, has anything impacted you deeply?When I did the film Maatr, I was deeply shaken, crying even during dubbing. The Nirbhaya incident profoundly affected me, especially as a mother of three girls committed to women’s empowerment. The delayed justice, especially the release of the juvenile perpetrator, was horrifying. Maatr resonated with me, and I felt compelled to do it, regardless of box office success. Recently, the ex-municipal commissioner praised my performance, saying it was an earth-shattering film. This feedback affirmed that I had made a meaningful film. The experience of shooting, dubbing and releasing Maatr was emotionally overwhelming. As a parent, the thought of Asha Devi’s pain is a nightmare.