“I got there and I f–king hated it,” he recounted, “and then I loved it. I didn’t want to f–king leave. I really, really didn’t. I was so sad leaving. I was crying, I was like, ‘I don’t want to go.’ I was scared to leave those front doors because I got up in the morning, had my breakfast, structure, every day. I was reading.”

Plus, the thought of returning to filming season two of the Vanderpump Rules spinoff was anxiety-inducing, according to Jax.

“I’m like, ‘I know the world’s gonna hit me like a ton of bricks and I gotta go back to filming my show and I know everybody’s mad at me and they’re gonna come at me,'” he continued. “I was just like, ‘I’m so scared.'”

Jax’s first podcast since he sought help comes several days after Brittany spoke out about her decision to finally file legal papers to end their five years of marriage.