One Below Deck Mediterranean yachtie is grieving a tragic loss.

During the Bravo series’ Sept. 2 episode, season nine Deckhand Nathan Gallager received news that one of his best friends died while he was away at sea—and he was understandly devastated.

“So, I get this text saying that my friend has passed away from cancer,” the Ireland native explained in a confessional. “I knew he had cancer, but the night before I came to join the boat, we were out drinking. He wasn’t drinking but he seemed okay. Thinking about the memories and things like that, it’s a lot of information to gather at once and I’m just pushing that aside for now.”

Later, while the entire crew was enjoying a night off by partying together in Greece, Nathan’s boatmance partner, fellow Deckhand Gael Cameron, noticed he wasn’t quite himself. And on the ride back to the boat, he finally shared the unfortunate news to Gael and Chief Stew Aesha Scott.

Once back at the dock, Nathan finally let his emotions out.